How I Awoke
(short version)

by Arethinn
date unknown, but prior to mid/late-2000 since eGroups is mentioned as its own service

How did you discover your nature? Was it something that you suddenly were aware of or did you always know?

Well, there's a question where 10 subjects will give you 15 answers! This process seems to be different for everyone, although many ways have similarities to others. Me, I was one of the ones who always "felt a little different," something I generally attributed to the fact that I was the only pagan/witch I knew of in my high school or junior high, and in addition to that, kept secretly believing in unicorns and all that well into my teen years. When I was 11, a friend of mine and I used to pretend that we were characters from ElfQuest, and that is really what started the whole thing, I think, when you take the broad view. I am a wild believer and a maker of bad art because it looks pretty :)

But to jump forward in time... I think that since about December of 1997 I had been looking at pages about elves and things, mainly on account of playing Menzoberranzan (read: CD game that takes you into Drow Elf City), and reading about drow and stuff. Naturally, this led me to a few pages of "real" dark elves and such. Didn't think much about it at the time, beyond "wouldn't that be neat." Some months later - around May or June, I think - I found a link on some page to join the original wyldefae elist, which was a onelist list (it's since been moved to egroups.com and sadly has generally died because of its many "restarts" after flamewars of one variety or another).

Wow, but wasn't this a revelation. It was weird to encounter so many magickal people in one place, so many fae. I'll skip the emotional trauma I always go through, thinking since I don't exhibit X characteristic I can't possibly be (whatever) and... but in the end, I felt the touch of fae and it worked its way into me. I was still a little "left out" until I started having - or properly, retrieving, since it was through a shamanic journey - memories. And the fact that my worldview coincides with so many of the fae - well, it's just more evidence. I'm wild for beauty and find it and make it. I do glamour and faerie dust because I'm that way :)

"But you do, you do have magic. Maybe you can't find it, but it's there... you have all the power you need, if you dare to look for it." --The Last Unicorn